"What Do I Need?"

This is a powerful question we often forget to ask both ourselves and our teens. We get so caught up in our day-to-day routines that we don't stop to check in on what we actually need in any given moment. However, unmet needs cause a lot of drama, contention, anxiety, and confusion. 

With school starting back up and new routines being created, it's important to think about what we all need and when. Do you need to have a small snack before kids start coming home? Do you need to prep outfits or snacks the night before so the morning is less chaotic? Does your teen need a hug when they walk in the door? Do they need a break before they start their homework? How much water has everyone had throughout the day when 6:00 rolls around and people are cranky?

When building a solid routine, have a quick meeting with everyone in your family and come at it from meeting needs. All of us are different, and it's important to try to match our routines to what we need, what we like, our natural dopamine cycles, and more. 

Here is a PDF of Abraham Maslow's hierarchy of needs. He taught that needs are arranged in a hierarchy, with physiological (survival) needs at the bottom and the more creative and intellectually oriented ‘self-actualization’ needs at the top. While the order of levels is not completely fixed, it can be helpful to look at this and plan accordingly. If your teen is hungry, sleepy, feels unsafe, or feels like they don't belong, it can be hard for them to feel creative and confident. It makes sense that studying would be a struggle, too! 

Or, when your teen seems really upset, simply look them in the eye and ask, "What do you need right now?" If they don't know, start with a hug and a snack.