Trusting Teens

“How much should I trust my teen?” I see parents ask this question a LOT. We have all heard that people rise to expectations, and we wonder if trusting our teens will help them improve and be better. On the flip side, teens are developmentally immature and they mess up frequently. How does that affect how much we should “trust” them?

Here are 18 questions for you to think about. These don't have a right or wrong answer. They are designed to help you start thinking about lies, trust, and your teen so spend a few minutes thinking about them if you can.  Writing about them in a journal might help, too.

1) "Should" parents trust their teens? In which circumstances?

2) Do "good" parents trust their teens?

3) Do "good" teens "always" tell the truth?

4) How do you feel when your teen lies to you?

5) Does it feel personal when you get lied to? Why or why not?

6) What does "trust" in a parent/teen relationship look like to you?

7) Does your teen trust you? Why or why not?

8) Do you ever lie to your teen? When and why?

9) Did you trust your parents when you were a teen?

10) Did your parents trust you when you were a teen?

11) Is trust all or nothing (one lie and you don't trust someone anymore)?

12) Does "trust" look like perfection? 

13) What things does your teen lie about? Is there a reason they lie about those things? Check out this blog post about 14 reasons teens lie.

14) Could your teen's lying be developmentally normal? This does not mean it's "ok" and that there shouldn't be consequences, but it does mean that you can choose to not take it personally. :) 

15) What does it "mean" to you when your child lies to you? Are you telling any stories about it?

16) How can your teen "earn" your trust back after lying? How many times would they need to tell the truth?

17) Do you weigh lies more heavily than you weigh the truth?

18) Are there any ways you are essentially setting your teen up for failure by not setting appropriate guidelines/boundaries (ie giving them more than they can developmentally handle?)

Trust is important in relationships and all of us value it. However, it is really complicated. It can be affected by abuse, misunderstandings, expectations that are out of whack, mental illness, the way we were parented, past hurt/betrayal that have not been resolved, and more. We can be trustworthy and still not be trusted by some people.

If you are struggling with trust in your relationship with your teen, feel free to reach out and set up a free no pressure coaching call. I would love to talk to you!