Saying "No" to Friends
Saying “no” to friends, as well as in dating situations, is very challenging. Because teens have such a strong drive to connect with a tribe, saying no can be really, really, really hard. Peer pressure is very strong, too! It is hard to go against the tribe, or even what your teen just thinks the tribe is doing/believing/saying.
Here are seven tips for parents:
The first is to show them that you say no often. Say “no” in front of them. Say “no” to them. Say “no” to your spouse. Demonstrate that we can say no and that it won’t harm our relationships.
Teach them that personal safety is first. Always. Recently I heard a story about some friends that were out on a lake. They came to a small island and found two men who had been marooned and needed help. The friends turned around and returned the girls to their boat then went back to get the men. It turned out that the men were dangerous and kept trying to get the friends to take them to their boat, which they refused to do. Later they heard that the men were thieves. Trust your gut!
Discuss the difference between being “nice” and being polite. There are polite ways to say no, but sometimes we think that saying no isn’t being “nice.”
Practice saying “no” in a variety of situations. Role play. What are some ways we can say “no” and still be polite? There might be some situations were you don’t even need to be polite (when safety is an issue) so make the distinction between the two. Does your teen feel like they are in danger or do they just not want to do something for whatever reason?
Remind them that honesty is important. Most people would rather not go to a dance than go with someone who ignores them or doesn’t want to be with them.
Teach your teen to accept rejection. How does it feel? What emotions and thoughts does it bring up? If your teen knows they can handle rejection, it will be easier for them to say no to others.
Tell them personal stories. Are there times you wish you had said “no” and you didn’t? Are there times you said “no” and regretted it? Why?
Teaching your teen this skill will help them navigate social situations for the rest of their lives!
Check out my YouTube video on saying “no” here!