The Five Types of Intimacy

When we think of the word “intimacy” we often think of physical intimacy. However, there are lots of types of intimacy and it’s important to talk about all of them with our teens! Here are five:

1) Intellectual intimacy - this happens when two people feel comfortable sharing thoughts, ideas and opinions

2) Emotional intimacy - this occurs when two people trust each other enough to share their feelings/emotions with one another

3) Physical intimacy - this happens when people feel close enough to share a wide variety of physical affection (can happen in all relationships, not just romantic ones!)

4) Spiritual intimacy - this happens when people can talk about spiritual ideas and experiences

5) Experiential intimacy - when two people bond doing some sort of leisure activity together

Skipping these other types of intimacy and skipping straight to talking about sex is damaging, especially since each of these affects the other. Our teens need to learn how to navigate each of these with all the different people in their lives.

Another important concept to teach our teens is called The Circle of Support. Picture a circle with you in the center and four rings surrounding you. The rings are:

1) The circle of intimacy - this it the circle closest to you. It is the people you deeply trust and who trust and respect you.

2) The circle of friendship - the second circle is your friends. It’s the people you see on a regular basis.

3) The circle of participation - the third circle out is people you see occasionally. You don’t have much trust with them and you don’t know them very well.

4) The circle of exchange - this is the people you pay to be in your life (doctor, dentist) or who pay you (employer).

Talk to your teen about the different types of intimacy AND which types of people they should share information with. In my next post I am going to talk about the levels of intimacy and give some examples!

Check out my YouTube video on this subject here.