Is Your Teen Overscheduled?
All of us have been in situations where we want to say “no” and don’t know how, usually because we don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings. We often don’t think about the ability to say “no” as a skill, but it really is. It takes knowledge and practice to master it (and the emotions that surround it!)
One of the places teens often don’t say “no” enough is when it comes to scheduling. It is easy to say “yes” too many times without thinking through the consequences beforehand. My teen said yes to babysitting then regretted it when she found out her friends were going to a dance! Many tears followed.
Let’s talk about a few ways we can help our teens learn to say “no” to activities/opportunities.
Help your teen learn to prioritize. Teach them to set goals. When your teen has things that are really important to them, it’s easier to say “no” to other things.
Learn to understand their non-verbal cues and vocalize what you are seeing. If your teen seems really excited to go to dance, but they are slow-moving and reluctant to practice the piano, you could say something like, “It seems like you enjoy dancing more than piano. Is that true? Why do you think that is?”
Teach them the consequences of stress. We just had a conversation at dinner about this after my husband and I realized that some of the behaviors we were noticing were likely related to a majorly stressful family situation we faced last week. We talked about how our diet changes, our sleep can be affected, we can feel apathetic about things we usually enjoy. If you notice changes in your teen, it might be good to sit down and talk through all the things they are involved in.
If you notice your teen just really overcommitting, consider it might be a sign of low self esteem. Are they committing to things because they are trying to fight off the feelings of unworthiness? Has being “busy” become a cover for other emotions? Teens need to feel like they are loved and valued because of who they are, not what they do.
Teach them that a strong “yes” to something they love is really a “no” to something else. Until their brains are fully developed, they might struggle to think ahead and really plan out their schedules. Help them think through the details and put the most important items in first!
Protecting our teens’ emotional health is so important! Do any of these tips stand out to you?