Is it Your Way Or the Highway?

When our teens don't want to do something, it's often because they don't want to do it our way.

That might be because they are looking for an easier way (when it comes to work), OR because they are trying to figure out who they are and how they want to do things.

Part of creating an identity is trying things on, pushing against the way things have "always been done," and getting some space from authority figures. Your teen might want to try a new creative approach to something, do things the way their friends are doing them, or follow some advice on the internet.

This can hurt our pride a bit, friends. All of us like to think that the way we are doing things is the right way. THE TOILET PAPER SHOULD HANG OVER THE ROLL! Rooms should be dusted and cleaned a certain way. Homework should be done before play (remember that "shoulds" take away personal power). We all like our habits and routines and it feels comfortable when things stay the same.

However, there is always more than one way to do something. While it is important to teach our teens responsibility, let's not assume that our teens aren't doing something because they don't want to do it at all or because they are "lazy." They might just want to do it differently. Sometimes they aren't even aware this is the problem, so simply asking them for their ideas can help them move out of resistance and into cooperation.
 

The next time your teen pushes back and refuses to do what you want them to do, ask them if they want to try doing it a different way (or at a different time). It just might work! :)