Healthy Vs. Unhealthy Yelling

There are a lot of anti-yelling posts going around in the parenting world.

Is yelling the most effective way of communicating? No. There are a lot of better ways!

However, I think yelling kinda gets a bad rap overall. There are purposes for yelling and it’s important to both understand them and then teach them to our teens.

Emotions are vibrations in our bodies and yelling can help release those vibrations quickly and effectively.

It’s ok for us to voice our options and loudly. It’s ok to make noise and to take up space and to let things out.

It’s ok for our teens to see us have and express emotion. It’s ok for us to not be perfect. It’s ok for us to let our emotions out and to be human.

It’s ok for us to then teach our teens how to apologize if we mess up. It’s ok to use imperfect interactions to teach our teens how to then forgive, reconnect and repair. In fact, it’s vital. It’s one of our most important jobs!

It’s ok to warn our teens of danger and it’s ok to show them how upset we are when they don’t take their safety seriously.

It’s ok to let our teens yell at us and get all their emotions out, too. We are strong. We can take it. It’s better for them to let it all out than for them to stuff it inside.

Emotions are BIG and sometimes it takes a BIG sound to release them.

Yelling is different from yelling AT someone, though. There are healthy reasons to yell, and unhealthy ones.

Yelling to express emotion is healthy.

Yelling AT someone is not.

A lot of it comes down to the purpose behind the yelling and which words we choose to use.

Are we yelling AT someone in an attempt to be more powerful? To control them in some way? To diminish them?

Do we use hurtful words? Is pride involved? Do we want the other person to be afraid for some reason? Do we want to intimidate them?

Are we yelling to cover up deeper emotions? Are we yelling as an attempt to distract from something else that is going on? Are we yelling to cause emotion in the other person?

When we yell for these reasons, we can still repair and reconnect. We can apologize and work things out. However, words do have meaning and they are not easily forgotten. Trust can take time to rebuild. It can be hard to let the guilt go, too, especially when we yell at our teens.

When do you think it's appropriate to yell? When isn't it?