"Like my Poo Goes to Heaven?"

When my teenager was three, our fish sadly passed away.

Shortly after she asked, "Is he dead? Or is he happy?" She then asked where he went and I replied that we had flushed him down the toilet and that he had gone to heaven. A minute later after some contemplation she exclaimed, "Like my poo goes to heaven!"

The average person speaks 8,000 words a day. Most of the time we don't stop to think about what we are saying and how the other person is interpreting it. 

The communication center of your teen's brain is undergoing major reconstruction. Growth shifts away from the temporal lobes, which are responsible for language acquisition and expression, and moves to the frontal lobes, which are responsible for abstract thinking, complex decision making, and more complicated speech. There will be hiccups while this happens!

As parents, we can help our teen understand us by choosing our words wisely. It's easy to assume our teenager is ignoring us (because sometimes they are), but in reality sometimes they just don't understand what we are saying or what we are expecting. They might not know how to answer a question we are asking or how to make sense of the complicated nuances underlying our words. 

If your teen jumps to conclusions or accuses you of saying things you didn't say, stop for a moment and remember that their brain is still developing and they are still learning how to communicate. Take a deep breath and try again.

In Your Teenager isn't Crazy, Jeramy and Jerusha Clark state, "Engaging in dialogue with a beginning abstract thinker can feel like torture." It's so true. Do your best to choose your words wisely, be patient with your teen, and eventually (with practice) their communication skills will improve!