10 Tips for a Happier Teen
When my youngest was two or three, she had a MAJOR melt down while we were in the car one day. I kept trying to distract her, ask her questions, cheer her up, etc. It was a very long half hour drive. At one point I said in exasperation, “Did you know you can CHOOSE to be happy?” She responded, sobbing, “I don’t WANT to be happpyyyyy….”
It can be miserable to be around someone who is miserable. We inherently want to cheer them up because then we will feel happier! We care about them, as well, and it’s hard to watch those we love suffer. While we can’t “make” our teens happy, there are some things we can do to influence their happiness level. Here are ten of them:
Give your child positive feedback often. Teens are surrounded by so much negativity, some from other people and some from their own minds. Send texts, leave notes, point out things they have done well, and avoid making negative comments whenever possible.
Give your teen positive attention. Attend their events, ask about their friends, do an activity together. Connecting with loved ones is one of the big ways we can create happiness. Even a few minutes a day can give a big boost!
Have clear and fair rules and boundaries. This sounds strange, but it’s harder to feel happy when we feel like things are constantly changing or that we have to be on guard. When your teen knows what to expect, they can focus on other things.
Listen to your teen. Another thing that creates happiness is feeling valued and important. While there are some boundaries we need to hold as parents, allowing your teen a say in some things shows them that you value their opinion. Figure out which few things are non-negotiable, but be flexible on everything else. This gets more and more important as your teen ages.
Establish some fun family rituals. Rituals bind a family together and give us things to look forward to. They can also help us remember good times we have had together, which can bring happiness when we are feeling stressed, sad, or overwhelmed. My teen is super big on things that are nostalgic lately and I have found her listening to music from old TV shows they used to watch and bonding with her brothers over childhood movies.
Help your teen take care of their physical health. You can check out the physical needs checklist and my handout on Maslow in the files section of my Facebook group Raising Inspired Teens to give you a jump start. Take away screens before bedtime, cook healthy meals and snacks, remind your teen to drink water every now and then, do some physical activities as a family. It’s hard to be happy when we are hungry and tired!
Teach your teen to set goals. Shawn Achor in The Happiness Advantage teaches that happiness comes when we are growing, learning, and working toward something. We aren’t meant to just sit around and take up space…no matter what your teen thinks. While you certainly can’t make your teen set and work toward goals, you can demonstrate how to do it, talk about your own goals, or encourage them to try something new. You don’t have to call it “goal setting” if that won’t land with your teen. Get creative and help your teen learn the joy of progressing and improving.
Help your teen discover their strengths. This ties back to number one a bit with talking about your teen positively. How can your teen positively impact the world and do good? What are they good at? What do they enjoy doing? What motivates them and keeps them motivated? You can point these things out verbally or ask them to help you do things you know they are good at.
Give your teen opportunities to serve others and to show kindness. These two things give us a MAJOR boost in happiness that lasts. There is a cute quote that goes, “Happiness is like jam. You can’t spread even a little without getting some on yourself.” Do kind things as a family, point out opportunities, find ways your teen can serve that are immediately rewarding or that really mean something to someone, get them involved in the community if you can, have them help you cook a meal or treat to take to someone. DON’T MAKE NOTICING THESE THINGS PART OF IT. They aren’t selfish if they don’t think of things. That can come with time if you keep encouraging them to get outside of themselves.
Finally, practice gratitude together. We can add a lot of happiness to our lives by simply being grateful for what we have. Ask your teen what they are grateful for at dinner, tell them what you are grateful for, write thank you notes to people, get your teen a gratitude journal if you think they will write in it occasionally, etc.