How do I Motivate My Teen?
This question gets asked a lot by frustrated parents. Sometimes our teens just seem like they don’t care! They might not care about school, eating healthy foods, exercising, getting a job, driving. It can be hard to watch as parents.
Here are a five tips for you:
Examine yourself first. You are in charge of your own thoughts and your own emotions. Why do you want them to be motivated? Are you wanting them to do certain things because it will make you feel better as a parent? Are you falling into the “fear” trap? Do you feel like a “bad” parent? Are you telling yourself stories about their bleak future if they don’t do xyz? You can change your feelings by changing your thoughts and the stories you are telling yourself.
Help them look at the “why” behind things. Teens often have a hard time caring about things that are far in the future because of the way their brains are wired, but you can still bring them up. Also discuss things that are in the near future. Allow them to debate and questions. Ask a lot of questions because it will activate other parts of their brains. Teens can openly disagree and silently listen at the same time.
Motivation can also appear when other people are depending on you. What do you need your teen for? How are they contributing to the family? How are their actions affecting other people? What accountability to they have and to whom? For example, if they are struggling with homework, is there someone they can do the homework with? A friend or a tutor?
Help your teen look at an area where they are motivated. Why are they motivated to do that thing? What does motivation feel like and look like to them? See if you and your teen can figure out a way to transfer that motivation to something else. Be creative!
Discuss “have to” and “want to.” What is the difference? We can often change the “have to” mindset into a “want to” mindset by thinking about things differently. Your teen may have fallen into some patters of thinking that are not helping them. Everyone loses motivation when they feel like they “have to” do something! Even if your teen doesn’t want to do their homework, is there something else they want (it can be provided by you or it can be something else like wanting to become a zoologist)?
How do you motivate your teen?