Honor the Bubble
This is a simple visual, but it can be very helpful.
Picture your teen with a bubble around them. This bubble is their boundaries. It is the space they need physically, emotionally, mentally, and socially.
When you want to get closer to your teen, wait for them to invite you into their bubble. Don’t push your way in or have an obvious agenda. They will push you out as fast as they can and then it might be awhile before they are ready to trust you again.
Most teens have very large bubbles and they need a lot of space. They have so much they are trying to figure out as they move from childhood to adulthood. Their brains and bodies are changing rapidly and it takes a lot of time and energy for them to sort through all of the new thoughts and emotions.
Here are a few questions you can ask that will honor their bubble:
“Are you ready to talk about it?”
“Would you like some advice?”
“Is there anything I can do to help?”
“What do you think you should do about (insert topic)?”
“Is there anyone you would like to talk to about this?” It doesn’t have to always be you.
You can also say things like:
“I am always here when you need me.”
“Please let me know if there is anything I can do to help you right now.”
“I am happy to give you the space you need to sort through this.”
“I would like to talk to you about (insert topic) and I was wondering if you could let me know when a good time would be.”
You can also talk about topics in generic terms. This allows your teen to think about what you are saying without it becoming too personal or uncomfortable for them. You can say things like,
“I read an interesting article about social media. Would you like to hear what I learned?”
“My friend told me her teen is struggling with (insert topic). I was wondering if you would give me some advice I could pass on to her?”
“Huh. That teen made an interesting choice. What would you do in that situation?”
As you picture the space around your teen, you will come up with some great ways to connect while honoring their space. Mastering this concept will help you have an even stronger relationship with your teen!