“I’m a Good Mom”
Here is one more thought box label (there are many variations):
"I am a good mom."
It could also be something like "I have a good teen/kid."
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This is a really tricky one! It feels like it's a "good" or "positive" thought to have haha. The danger in it lies in the assumptions we made. If we are "good," do we make mistakes? Do we need to improve? Do we not see reality? Do "good" people lie? Do "good" people hurt others? Do "good" people have more worth than others? Do we forgive "good" people more easily? What do "good" moms/teens/people do that makes them "good?"
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When you are stuck in this thought box you might:
Compare yourself with others to find "evidence"
Sacrifice yourself too often for others
Neglect yourself
Blame yourself for other people's actions because of how they make you look
Have trouble forgiving yourself
Hold yourself to impossible standards
Try to look "perfect" (you or your home or whatever)
Avoid saying "no"
Feel afraid of conflicts or mistakes
Feel guilty when you do things for yourself
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In reality we are all human. We all do "good" and "bad" things. Those words are also tricky because people disagree on what those are, but at least it's focusing on actions instead of labeling people. Getting stuck in this identity box can stop progression and impact how we see truth.
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A new box to try on could be something like:
"I am a human being, with intrinsic worth, and I am capable of doing both good and bad things."
Some thoughts in this box could be:
I can forgive myself when I make mistakes.
I don't have to be perfect.
I have worth and value just because I am alive.
It's ok to mess up.
My value is not based off of what others are doing.
I can do what feels right for me.
I can set boundaries.
Conflict can be resolved and it can help people grow closer.
Others will forgive me when I mess up.
It's more important to be real than to be "good" or "perfect."
Vulnerability creates connection.