“I am a bad student”
Here is one that has to do with school!
"i’m a bad student."
Whew. This is a tricky one because our teens can pick up on this "identity" really early in school, and we might not even know as parents. It's particuarlly common among boys (I have read several really interesting books about this) and neurodivergent kids, but anyone can pick it up.
Some thoughts that float around in this box might be:
"I will never get good grades"
"It doesn't matter how hard I try"
"I am not smart enough"
"I am bad at school"
"It doesn't matter anyway"
"It's too hard for me"
"I am bad at xyz" (math, science, etc.)
"School is just not for me"
"Teachers don't like me"
"No one at school likes/respects me"
"It takes me too long to catch onto things"
"I am bad at studying"
"I am just a disorganized person"
"I have a bad memory"
________
Once our teens get stuck in this box/identity, they hate school. For good reason! Why would you want to go somewhere that triggers the above thoughts?
This thought box often ties in with a fixed mindset, rather than a growth one. Their identity as a "bad student" changes how they view themselves, their education, and their future.
________
A new thought you could replace this one with is:
“School is challenging, but I can figure it out.”
This moves from a fixed mindset to a growth one. Some thoughts in this box might be:
“I have had some failures, but I am learning as I go.”
“School is hard, but I can do hard things.”
“Some subjects are hard, but some are easy/fun/doable.”
“I don’t have to be good at everything to be successful.”
“I can choose how much effort I want to put in.”
“I can learn the skills I need to improve my grades.”
“I don’t have to be perfect.”
“I can get the help/support I need.”
“I value education, and I will get what I can from school.”
“Some parts of school feel pointless, but it is still a good place to learn.”
“I am choosing to keep trying.”
“Not everyone at school likes me, and that’s ok.”
“My grades don’t reflect my value as a person.”