Why do Teens Argue?

teen rolling eyes.jpg

Adolescence could rightfully be named “The Time of Great Disputations.” As children move into the tween and teen years, they often start to push back against their parents, which can cause a lot of arguments and disagreements! There are a number of reasons for this like:

  1. They are developing abstract reasoning and they want to test out their new skills

  2. They are realizing their parents aren’t perfect

  3. They are gaining independence

  4. They want to test out their power

  5. They want attention

  6. They are developing their own ideas and those ideas are different from yours

These times of disputation are a great opportunity for parents, though. When we disagree with our teens, we can teach them how to handle disagreements. It’s great they can practice in our homes where they are safe! A few skills we can teach them are how to:

  1. Stick to specifics

  2. Stay on topic

  3. Make accurate, truthful statements

  4. Be empathetic

  5. Avoid interrupting the person speaking

  6. Actively listen

  7. Remain rational and use facts

  8. Be kind and thoughtful

  9. Stay true to themselves

  10. Set boundaries

As parents we can teach these things by modeling them during disagreements. We get to choose how we act! We are responsible for our own thoughts, emotions, and mindset and we can teach our teens that they are, too.

So what are some things parents can do during a conflict with their teen?

  1. Realize your teen is struggling, too. Keep an open, loving mindset during the disagreement!

  2. Treat the arguments seriously, even if it seems “silly” to you. It’s important to your teen and you don’t want to embarrass or ridicule them.

  3. Avoid the “winning” vs “losing” mindset. It will automatically turn the conversation into a power struggle.

  4. If the disagreement is one you have had before, hold your ground. Don’t get dragged into it again.

  5. Try adding humor if it’s appropriate and doesn’t turn mocking. It can diffuse some of the negative emotions.

  6. Add a practical element and bring things back to the intellectual side of the brain. “What time did you say the party was? Who is going to be there?”

  7. Limit your arguments to one topic. Don’t let your teen pile other things on!

  8. Close things off by repeating what they said back to them. Ask if you can help solve a problem if there is one!

Check out my video on this topic here!

Beau Sorensen