Feel Happier Today!
In my last blog post I talked about four tricks of the mind that can make it harder to feel happiness.
Today let's talk about some proven actions we can take that will create more happiness. I learned about these in The Science of Well-being course at Yale (there is a free version of the course for teens that just came out and you can check that out here).
Pick one or two of these to work on this week:
1. Savor an experience. This will thwart the hedonic adaptation we talked about in the last post. Savoring something intensifies and lengthens the positive emotions that come to you. Every day for seven days, pick one experience a day that you are going to really savor. It could be your morning shower, time with your teen, eating something delicious, or enjoying nature. Be totally present and enjoy every second of it!
2. Practice gratitude. When you wake up in the morning, think of three or four things you are grateful for. Do the same thing at night before you go to bed.
3. Remember another time you felt happy. Set a timer for five minutes and relive a happy memory you have stored. You can look at pictures or just close your eyes and savor that experience a second time. You can also spend some time thinking about how life would be if you didn't have something (your job, your house, your teen). This tricks the brain and can snap you out of adaptation.
4. Do a random act of kindness. There is a cute quote that says, "Happiness is like jam. You can't spread even a little without getting some on yourself." As parents we fall into the "have to" trap and that can suck out the joy. What is something kind you can deliberately do each day this week?
5. Seek out social connection. Plan to meet a friend for lunch, go on a date with your significant other, take your teen out for a snack, or call someone you haven't talked to in awhile.
6. Work on a goal. Be specific and really visualize both the obstacles and your plan to reach that goal. Progression brings happiness! Choose one thing you can do each day and actively work toward your goal.
7. Meditate. Kllingsworth and Gilbert found that our minds are wandering 46.9 percent of the time. They also found that most of the time we are thinking about things that are either neutral or negative. Gilbert said, "The ability to think about what is not happening is a cognitive achievement, but it comes at an emotional cost. A wandering mind, in some sense, is an unhappy mind." There are a lot of different ways to meditate and bring ourselves back to the present so choose one that works for you. Meditation can help you develop better mind-wandering habits and feel more happiness in the present.
8. Create a happier environment. The things we see around us trigger thoughts and emotions. Take a few minutes to walk around your house and see what feelings pop up. Does the family photo on the wall remind you of the stress you went through trying to get that photo? Do you feel overwhelmed looking at the clutter on a desk? Do you like the colors of the pillows in your living room? Do you have an area of your house where you can go to just relax and feel happier? Consider creating a "happy corner" or doing some simple redecorating so that you can feel happier in your home.
9. Do something FUN. What do you enjoy doing? Crafting? Photography? Hiking? Bowling? As we get older we often forget how to have fun. Take a few minutes to do something you haven't done in awhile. Bonus points if you take your teen along. :)
It would be really fun to work on one of these with your teen/family this week!
It's important to teach them that happiness is not something that just "happens." It is a skill we can actively improve. Aristotle said, "Happiness depends on ourselves." So, what are you going to do this week to be happier?
P.S. We are planning on watching the teen course as part of our weekly parent teen night. You can get a lot more ideas for those here on my website.